A Great Way to Build Self-Esteem and Prevent Behavior Problems
Children are precious individuals—each with their own unique personality, strengths, and needs. But when it feels like most of our interactions revolve around rules, limits, and consequences, connection can get lost.
Here’s the truth:
Effective discipline has two parts:
Accountability – how we respond when kids make mistakes
Prevention – building strong relationships that reduce misbehavior in the first place
Most of us spend a lot of energy on accountability. But the more we focus on prevention, the less we need to discipline—and the more peaceful our homes become.
The Power of Encouragement
One of the most powerful tools for prevention is encouragement. When we use encouragement, we build our child’s self-esteem—the foundation for better choices, stronger relationships, and emotional resilience.
A child with high self-esteem feels:
Lovable
Capable
Worthy of care
These children are more open to feedback and more likely to make responsible decisions.
Four Ways to Use Encouragement
1. Notice and Acknowledge the Positives
It’s easy to spot negative behavior—but if we look closer, there’s a lot worth celebrating.
Examples:
“I noticed you put your toys away without being asked.”
“You shared your snack with your sister—that was kind.”
“You’ve been spending time practicing basketball. I can tell you really enjoy it.”
Reflecting the positives back to your child helps them feel seen—and helps them see themselves as capable and kind.
2. Be Specific (Not Just Generic Praise)
Instead of saying “Great job!” or “You’re amazing,” describe what you see:
“Wow, you answered every question on this paper correctly. You must have worked really hard to understand these problems!”
This gives the child space to evaluate their own success, building internal motivation rather than relying on adult approval.
3. Encourage Independence
Let your child struggle a little. That’s where confidence grows.
Instead of jumping in to help, try saying:
“You’re almost there. I know its tricky, but if you keep at it, I bet you’ll figure it out.”
“I believe you can do this.”
When kids master a task themselves, they get to say:
“I did it on my own.”
That experience is what truly builds self-esteem—not praise, but mastery.
4. Accept Your Child Where They Are
Your child needs to feel valued—not just for what they do, but for who they are—right now.
This means:
Accepting their big feelings
Recognizing baby steps, not just big progress
Smiling, saying “I love you,” and showing joy in their presence
Even when they’re struggling, your acceptance is a powerful foundation for change.
Final Thought
When you focus on encouragement over correction, you raise a child who believes:
“I matter. I’m capable. I’m loved.”
That belief doesn’t just reduce behavior problems—it shapes a confident, connected, emotionally healthy child.
Happy Parenting!
Kathryn
