As our children grow up, they inevitably face new challenges—things like the first day of school, a trip to the dentist, or tryouts for the school play. In these moments, we want to encourage them. We want to send the message: “You can do it!” We want them to know we believe in their ability to handle it.
But here’s the hard part: Sometimes, we’re the ones who are nervous.
We’re unsure how things will go. We have doubts. We’re scared they actually can’t handle it. And kids? They pick up on that.
When Your Child Feels Your Doubt
Even if you’re saying, “You don’t need to be afraid. Everything’s going to be okay,” your tone of voice or body language might be saying something different. Kids are incredibly perceptive.
So if your child was only a little nervous—or not nervous at all—they might suddenly feel a whole lot more anxious.
They think, “If my mom’s worried… maybe I should be too.”
A Real-Life Example: The First Day of Kindergarten
I remember talking with a friend about her son’s first day of school. It was a big day—their “baby” was starting kindergarten.
She was nervous.
She didn’t like handing her child over to a total stranger. Meeting the teacher once at “Meet the Teacher” didn’t exactly build trust. She felt anxious, unsure how the teacher would treat her son throughout the day.
And yet… she knew she had to hide that anxiety.
Not because it wasn’t valid, but because if she didn’t manage it, her son might absorb those fears—and carry them with him into the classroom.
It Starts with You
She realized that her son’s ability to handle that day started with her ability to handle it.
So she did a few things to help herself feel more prepared:
They visited the school together before it started.
She reminded herself how much he’d enjoyed preschool.
She focused on the positives: the new friends he’d meet, the fun things he’d learn.
She made sure the school staff knew about any special needs.
Still, on that first day, she knew the most important thing was her presence and attitude.
She had to walk away with a cheerful, “See you after school!”—and not look back.
When They Are Nervous
Of course, she also knew her son might be scared. So she was ready for that too.
If he said, “I’m scared,” she planned to:
Acknowledge his feelings: “I understand. It’s hard to do something new.”
Give him a hug and some comfort.
But she also knew not to respond with a worried tone. Saying “But you’ll be okay…” in a shaky, nervous voice can backfire. Kids don’t just listen to what we say—they hear how we say it.
Instead, once the moment passed, she could look him in the eye and say—with confidence:
“I think you’re going to have a great day. I can’t wait to hear all about it when I pick you up!”
Then: big smile. Quick hug. Fast getaway.
Final Thought
Helping our kids feel brave often means finding our own calm first. When we show them confidence, they learn to believe in themselves, too.
Happy Parenting!
Kathryn
