The Power of Collaborative Problem-Solving in Parenting
So much of parenting revolves around telling our kids what to do—because we “know best.” And often, that’s true! We share what we know because we want our kids to avoid mistakes and the pain that can come with them.
But here’s the thing:
Making mistakes—when the stakes are small—can actually be good for kids. It teaches them independence, problem-solving, and confidence.
And as parents, we can turn mistakes into powerful learning moments. The question is:
How do we do that without constant nagging or power struggles?
A Real Example: The Reading Struggle
One mom shared her story about trying to get her 2nd-grade son to complete his 20 minutes of reading per night.
She tried everything:
Positive motivation: Buying fun, interesting books
Negative motivation: Withholding privileges
Reminders, reminders, reminders
But nothing worked. Every night there was a new excuse. And over time, she started to feel anxious and defeated.
She worried about:
Whether the school would judge her as a parent
Her son missing out on school prizes, or incentives the other students were receiving
And most importantly—whether he would ever love reading
The Breakthrough: Letting Her Son Help Solve the Problem
Instead of doubling down, she tried something new:
She handed the problem back to her son.
First she reflected on this problem between them. When he agreed he didn’t like it either, she asked:
“Do you want to be able to read what’s required?”
He said yes.
She then asked:
“You’re supposed to read at least 100 minutes per week. How do you think you could make that happen?”
His response?
“I could read 50 minutes one day, and 50 minutes another day.”
She was stunned.
It was a solution she hadn’t even considered.
Trusting the Process
Even though she doubted it would work (after all, 20 minutes was already a battle), she replied:
“So, you really think you can do that twice a week?”
“Yeah, sure,” he said.
So, she did something bold:
She stopped reminding, nagging, and pressuring.
The Result?
It worked.
Her son started telling her when he finished reading
He felt ownership over the process
There were no more power struggles
And then something even better happened—he started reading more than twice a week… and more than 100 minutes total.
He was developing a genuine love for reading.
The Takeaway
When parents involve kids in solving their own problems, amazing things can happen.
It builds confidence
Reduces conflict
And helps kids take ownership of their actions
Sometimes, two heads really are better than one—even when one of them is only seven years old.
Happy Parenting!
Kathryn
